So I read a blog of an aquantaince the other day on respect...and I started thinking back to when I went to a leadership seminar for a company I worked for a while back. The first morning of a 4 day retreat was spent on respect. The leaders take was that there are different types of respect.
The most basic kind is what most of us probably think of as good manners. Greeting other people we meet instead of ignoring them, paying attention when someone is talking to us, waiting for our turn to talk--you know all the things about social manners we (hopefully!) learned in our early years.
He stated the next type of respect was one we give based on position. For example--even if we dislike a world leader, if we were to meet that person most of us would still be polite, considerate, and give him/her the honors due the office. Same goes on smaller scale for things like bosses at work, leaders in churches, communities, teams, etc.
The last type of respect comes from knowing a person. After hearing about what they have done, seeing how they respond to problems, finding out what makes them tick. If these things make a positive impression on us, giving that person more respect, more of ourselves is much easier.
I liked his summing up: the first is one we should do just because it makes us a better person. It is part of what defines us as "good and civil beings". The second is one we should do because it will help us succeed in life. Knowing when to give deference can be the difference in getting a job, keeping a job, making a team, being a good citizen. Learning how to determine who merits that extra respect gives us a chance to choose friends wisely, find mentors in life, and know who to turn to when times are not good.
I think I've always been good at the first two. The third....I'm still trying to figure out. ;)
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Monday, April 6, 2009
Palm Sunday
So yesterday was Palm Sunday. It felt both very normal and very different than last year all at the same time. The palms were very different than I was used to. Smaller in size (not as long or as wide) but each piece was actually made up of several (mine was 8) leaves all held together on the bottom. So I brought my palm home and looked up directions for making a cross. Wow lots of ways and some with directions I couldn't get. But I got two very nice looking variations to work as well as trying out a rose bud pattern (which didn't work so well)
Music at the new church is very different. For one thing...the congragation DOES sing! Which is such a different feeling from most Catholic churches. There doesn't appear to be a specific choir (but I need to ask about that--the group that sang yesterday maybe the choir. But if so, they are all older--I'd guess the youngest member of the group at retirement age--so I'm not sure if they'd welcome a young person like me. :)
Well, I suppose a stop by the church office and a talk with the church secretary would answer those questions. One of several things I hope to do today as I am having to wait again on the Work Visa. The paperwork for it has been sent off...and should arrive in Detroit today. Yep, it had to go to the US. But hopefully I won't have to. Time will tell.
Music at the new church is very different. For one thing...the congragation DOES sing! Which is such a different feeling from most Catholic churches. There doesn't appear to be a specific choir (but I need to ask about that--the group that sang yesterday maybe the choir. But if so, they are all older--I'd guess the youngest member of the group at retirement age--so I'm not sure if they'd welcome a young person like me. :)
Well, I suppose a stop by the church office and a talk with the church secretary would answer those questions. One of several things I hope to do today as I am having to wait again on the Work Visa. The paperwork for it has been sent off...and should arrive in Detroit today. Yep, it had to go to the US. But hopefully I won't have to. Time will tell.
Friday, April 3, 2009
A Positive LMO
What is an LMO? It's a Labour Market Opinion. And here in Canada you need a positive one to get a job as a foreign citizen. But you can't apply for your own....a company wanting to hire you has to apply. And the RRRC (my new employer in Canada) did just that about 5 weeks ago. And got back a positive response yesterday. :)
So this morning I head out to Immigration with all the paperwork I've completed so far and with any luck...get my work visa. So I can start work soon. YEAH!!!!!!! I'm soooo excited. I really want to get this long period of feeling like I only partly belong over and start feeling like I really do belong here (which is what a work visa can give me---the ability to get a SIN (social insurance number--kind of like SSN in the US), and having the SIN means I can get a driver's licence, a bank account and all those fun things you do when you move, but that I can't do yet. :(
But the Positive LMO was the last major hurdle. :) Now it's just little ones. :) I just can't stop smiling. :)
So this morning I head out to Immigration with all the paperwork I've completed so far and with any luck...get my work visa. So I can start work soon. YEAH!!!!!!! I'm soooo excited. I really want to get this long period of feeling like I only partly belong over and start feeling like I really do belong here (which is what a work visa can give me---the ability to get a SIN (social insurance number--kind of like SSN in the US), and having the SIN means I can get a driver's licence, a bank account and all those fun things you do when you move, but that I can't do yet. :(
But the Positive LMO was the last major hurdle. :) Now it's just little ones. :) I just can't stop smiling. :)
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
My new church
Yep, now that I have some time to write again...I think this may become a more regular thing. :) And once again....my faith seems to be something I'm going to be talking about regularly.
So anyway....while I was still in the US, a fellow choir member had suggested if I ever had the ability (IE either not working or working a job whose hours allowed it) I should go to weekday Mass. So I have. At a church I found here in Canada the last time I visited. And I must admit...I think I've found my church home. :)
The priest here is actually an immigrant too. But he's from much, much further away. He's from Ghana. He has a very different more evangelical style to him. He actively encourages the parish to sing more, become more involved and really think about what conversion means. Yep, I feel at home. :)
So this week, I've been going to weekday Mass. Which is VERY different from weekend Mass. As Fr. JB says..."On weekends, we're Catholic, on weekdays, we're Pentecostal" OK, not really. But instead of a prepared homily, Fr. JB just comes down and asks us what we got from the readings. And we kind of just throw out what is there in our hearts and he follows up with that, giving encouragement and additional verses to look up later. And during the prayers of the faithful.....we can actually just say out our own intentions. So it's really cool. And it's been a nice way to meet a few people from the church. Even if they are old enough to be my grandparents. ;)
Today was the celebration of the feast of the Annunciation. So I guess...it must be 9 months till Christmas. :) It was odd to be singing a song about Christ's birth....when we are so close to celebrating His death and Resurrection. But Fr. JB noted that without the Yes Lord, Here I am, I'm your willing servent of Mary at the Annunciation, there would be no Christmas, no Good Friday, No Easter. At which point he asked....how have you said Yes to God? And if you don't know what he is asking of you...how do you find out? Mary didn't know when she said yes, what she was agreeing to....and neither do we. But God reveals all in His time. And that even little yeses...to singing in choir, teaching CCD or serving on a commitee are still yes answers to God's call. Which is what He calls us to do, just say YES.
Yep, I found my new church home. :)
Oh and I found out today what the JB in Fr. name stands for...it's Jean Baptiste (John the Baptizer).
So anyway....while I was still in the US, a fellow choir member had suggested if I ever had the ability (IE either not working or working a job whose hours allowed it) I should go to weekday Mass. So I have. At a church I found here in Canada the last time I visited. And I must admit...I think I've found my church home. :)
The priest here is actually an immigrant too. But he's from much, much further away. He's from Ghana. He has a very different more evangelical style to him. He actively encourages the parish to sing more, become more involved and really think about what conversion means. Yep, I feel at home. :)
So this week, I've been going to weekday Mass. Which is VERY different from weekend Mass. As Fr. JB says..."On weekends, we're Catholic, on weekdays, we're Pentecostal" OK, not really. But instead of a prepared homily, Fr. JB just comes down and asks us what we got from the readings. And we kind of just throw out what is there in our hearts and he follows up with that, giving encouragement and additional verses to look up later. And during the prayers of the faithful.....we can actually just say out our own intentions. So it's really cool. And it's been a nice way to meet a few people from the church. Even if they are old enough to be my grandparents. ;)
Today was the celebration of the feast of the Annunciation. So I guess...it must be 9 months till Christmas. :) It was odd to be singing a song about Christ's birth....when we are so close to celebrating His death and Resurrection. But Fr. JB noted that without the Yes Lord, Here I am, I'm your willing servent of Mary at the Annunciation, there would be no Christmas, no Good Friday, No Easter. At which point he asked....how have you said Yes to God? And if you don't know what he is asking of you...how do you find out? Mary didn't know when she said yes, what she was agreeing to....and neither do we. But God reveals all in His time. And that even little yeses...to singing in choir, teaching CCD or serving on a commitee are still yes answers to God's call. Which is what He calls us to do, just say YES.
Yep, I found my new church home. :)
Oh and I found out today what the JB in Fr. name stands for...it's Jean Baptiste (John the Baptizer).
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Updates on my life (take 4)
So I've been trying to update this blog for almost 3 months now....and failing miserably. This is the 4th attempt (hence the take 4!) The other 3 titles I had were "maybe a revision of my description is in order, an update on my past few months, and Pat. Since all of these and more kind of apply...here goes.
My description still states that these are the musings of a woman who is somewhat single, somewhat depressed and somewhat confused. But really...these are not good descriptions at all. I'm not single. I'm in the process of being divorced. And I will be single for as long or as short a time as I decide after that. More on that in a few paragraphs. :)
My depression is officially over. :) A few months ago I spoke with my doctor about going off the meds as my emotions had stablized and I was starting to worry about the long term effects of the drug. I've heard some bad things about going off the drug I was on last, not the least of which is....it's almost impossible to do. :( So I told my Dr. I wanted to try. And he agreed. So late last fall, into winter I slowly went off the meds. :) First skipping three doses a week, then 5, then 7 (I took 14 doses total each week--two per day). Yey...down to one pill a day! Then cutting the pills in 1/2 for a while, then skipping a couple days each week, then finally only taking the 1/2 tablet twice a week, then...none. Wow. My energy level went through the roof! It was amazing to me. And other things changed too. I started to feel again. Which has been both wonderful and somewhat scary. Between the depression and the drugs....I haven't felt this strongly about anything in....well almost 7 years now. It is amazing to me that I lived so long in such a truly horrid state of mind. I feel like I should be just hitting 30 years old because the last 7 years don't feel real.
The update on the past few months....well, lots of things have been happening. I am currently sitting in a new apartment, in a new city, in a different country, waiting for my work visa to be approved so I can start a new job. Yes, really. I'm in Canada. I've learned that Moose Jaw Saskatchewan is not just a punch line to an ad campaign for Intek Cleaning, but is a real city, near where I now live. And it all happened so fast that I'm still kind of amazed by it. But I am sooooo happy. I feel giddy even. I feel a bit like Maria in Sound of Music (the musical, not the real life Maria Von Trapp) The quote "When God closes a door, He always opens a window" so fits my life the last few months.
Which brings me to the 3rd post attempt...Pat. A few posts back, I mentioned a new friend Pat. And I need to mentioned him again, and well, catch the few readers of this blog up on my life. Pat came into my life slowly starting about 9 months ago. He came at a time when I was at a low point and really was supportive. He has been a Methodist minister, an EMT and a security officer for an airport. He loves to help people. Over the past 6-9 months, as I've been making decisions about my relationship with Curt, I've also been assessing my relationship with Pat.
After 3 months of being a friend, talking on the phone and thru internet, we finally met. And after 2 days of being with him....I almost left him cold. And then realized something very important. This wasn't someone who would give an inch if he felt strongly about something. But would walk thru hell itself for those he cares about. And I felt humbled to even be considered maybe worth caring about.
Even as I felt my life falling a bit apart with my decision to leave Curt, Pat was there to support. He never pushed, never gave opinions. Just listened, asked questions when he didn't understand, and asked for what I thought about the things I was saying. And thru it all....I found myself falling in love. I don't think I fall in love easily. And if I am very, very honest with myself....I think this maybe the deepest love I've ever had for another person. Far deeper 6 months in, than I have ever been with Curt....even 18 years after meeting Curt. It's so very strange. I find myself at a loss for words. The entire idea that I could love someone so much that I wouldn't doubt his love for me regardless of what was happening or what was said or not said, done or not done, well...I know I have a hard time with trusting people. And yet....I trust Pat. I realize it seems fast and odd and all kinds of things. But know that I am happy, secure and loved. :)
Now...if the Canadian Government will just let me have a work visa. :) Life would be great.
My description still states that these are the musings of a woman who is somewhat single, somewhat depressed and somewhat confused. But really...these are not good descriptions at all. I'm not single. I'm in the process of being divorced. And I will be single for as long or as short a time as I decide after that. More on that in a few paragraphs. :)
My depression is officially over. :) A few months ago I spoke with my doctor about going off the meds as my emotions had stablized and I was starting to worry about the long term effects of the drug. I've heard some bad things about going off the drug I was on last, not the least of which is....it's almost impossible to do. :( So I told my Dr. I wanted to try. And he agreed. So late last fall, into winter I slowly went off the meds. :) First skipping three doses a week, then 5, then 7 (I took 14 doses total each week--two per day). Yey...down to one pill a day! Then cutting the pills in 1/2 for a while, then skipping a couple days each week, then finally only taking the 1/2 tablet twice a week, then...none. Wow. My energy level went through the roof! It was amazing to me. And other things changed too. I started to feel again. Which has been both wonderful and somewhat scary. Between the depression and the drugs....I haven't felt this strongly about anything in....well almost 7 years now. It is amazing to me that I lived so long in such a truly horrid state of mind. I feel like I should be just hitting 30 years old because the last 7 years don't feel real.
The update on the past few months....well, lots of things have been happening. I am currently sitting in a new apartment, in a new city, in a different country, waiting for my work visa to be approved so I can start a new job. Yes, really. I'm in Canada. I've learned that Moose Jaw Saskatchewan is not just a punch line to an ad campaign for Intek Cleaning, but is a real city, near where I now live. And it all happened so fast that I'm still kind of amazed by it. But I am sooooo happy. I feel giddy even. I feel a bit like Maria in Sound of Music (the musical, not the real life Maria Von Trapp) The quote "When God closes a door, He always opens a window" so fits my life the last few months.
Which brings me to the 3rd post attempt...Pat. A few posts back, I mentioned a new friend Pat. And I need to mentioned him again, and well, catch the few readers of this blog up on my life. Pat came into my life slowly starting about 9 months ago. He came at a time when I was at a low point and really was supportive. He has been a Methodist minister, an EMT and a security officer for an airport. He loves to help people. Over the past 6-9 months, as I've been making decisions about my relationship with Curt, I've also been assessing my relationship with Pat.
After 3 months of being a friend, talking on the phone and thru internet, we finally met. And after 2 days of being with him....I almost left him cold. And then realized something very important. This wasn't someone who would give an inch if he felt strongly about something. But would walk thru hell itself for those he cares about. And I felt humbled to even be considered maybe worth caring about.
Even as I felt my life falling a bit apart with my decision to leave Curt, Pat was there to support. He never pushed, never gave opinions. Just listened, asked questions when he didn't understand, and asked for what I thought about the things I was saying. And thru it all....I found myself falling in love. I don't think I fall in love easily. And if I am very, very honest with myself....I think this maybe the deepest love I've ever had for another person. Far deeper 6 months in, than I have ever been with Curt....even 18 years after meeting Curt. It's so very strange. I find myself at a loss for words. The entire idea that I could love someone so much that I wouldn't doubt his love for me regardless of what was happening or what was said or not said, done or not done, well...I know I have a hard time with trusting people. And yet....I trust Pat. I realize it seems fast and odd and all kinds of things. But know that I am happy, secure and loved. :)
Now...if the Canadian Government will just let me have a work visa. :) Life would be great.
Monday, December 22, 2008
Merry Christmas And Happy New Year!
Hello all!
I am alive and well. And finally starting to feel much, much better. :) I am smiling more than I have in years, and truly feel that this will be a Merry Christmas for me at last! It's been about 4 years or so since I have felt that way, so I'm really feeling good about it.
I went to church with Mom and Dad this past weekend and overall enjoyed the service. The pastor was preaching on the Christmas story and did a nice job of comparing the Magi and the shepherds to us today. How some are seeking and some are just going about their daily lives. Some are wealthy and influential and some are poor and not respected.
I found it a bit ironic that in two thousand years....somethings never change. The wealthy and influential...can still take time off to go on trips, while the poor and downtrodden must work all through the holiday season. :)
I am looking forward to visiting with some friends this Christmas, going to Midnight Mass (the first I've attended without being a part of it!) and just relaxing some. Guess this year that makes me one of the wealthy and influential who can take time off! I hope that soon, taking time out to relax will be replaced by just being more relaxed, the way I was many years ago. And I am starting to believe....
It will be a Happy New Year!
I am alive and well. And finally starting to feel much, much better. :) I am smiling more than I have in years, and truly feel that this will be a Merry Christmas for me at last! It's been about 4 years or so since I have felt that way, so I'm really feeling good about it.
I went to church with Mom and Dad this past weekend and overall enjoyed the service. The pastor was preaching on the Christmas story and did a nice job of comparing the Magi and the shepherds to us today. How some are seeking and some are just going about their daily lives. Some are wealthy and influential and some are poor and not respected.
I found it a bit ironic that in two thousand years....somethings never change. The wealthy and influential...can still take time off to go on trips, while the poor and downtrodden must work all through the holiday season. :)
I am looking forward to visiting with some friends this Christmas, going to Midnight Mass (the first I've attended without being a part of it!) and just relaxing some. Guess this year that makes me one of the wealthy and influential who can take time off! I hope that soon, taking time out to relax will be replaced by just being more relaxed, the way I was many years ago. And I am starting to believe....
It will be a Happy New Year!
Saturday, November 22, 2008
what went wrong with curt and i
It has been suggested that I write this out. :( I'm not sure if I want to, but it will probably be good for me. I think I'll use the list from the last post to kind of talk my way through this post as a way of organizing my thoughts.
They always put their needs before yours. Gee...let me see...4 no 5 affairs, more time spent waiting for him to pick me up due to his activities being more important than my time than I care to think about, his swords/art/guitars needing to be up on the walls where people could see them regardless of what others thought, while my things went up if we had room. Feels like it's not so important, but 14 years of this every day, even now, when he wants me to do things for him, even when I am so busy I don't have time to write in this or do what I want...
You "walk on eggshells" in an effort not to upset them. Yeah...kind of self explainatory. And no, it was not Curt's temper I feared. He could ususally manage that. Although hearing him say under his breath "Dad said it was never ok to hit a woman", did give me pause sometimes. Mostly though, it was his sulks. He would go into a funk anytime he didn't get his way. And life would just be miserable around him. Still can be.
They never take responsibility for hurting others; again, a bit... obvious? But even in small things, Curt would never accept responsibility. He would be in charge of paying bills, buy a toy instead, hurting us....and never apologize even if i found out. He would rationalize it away, but never truly be sorry. It was hard to keep forgiving when the mistake got made over and over and over. :(
They attempt to destroy any outside support you receive by belittling the people/ service/practice in an attempt to retain exclusive control over your emotions. Too many years of having few if any friends. And when I did have friends, it was always because they were married to or dating Curt's friends. Any other friends...there was never enough time for. I don't think I even want to go into my family here. The times he made me feel bad for wanting to spend time with them, for making him spend time with them. It's been a hard thing. My family is hard enough to deal with without any outside intervention.
They blame everyone and everything else for unfortunate events in their lives. They perceive themselves as marytrs or victims and constantly expect preferential treatment. Yeah...this would be the last few years of my life. But even before...it was never Curt's fault when he was laid off/fired from a job, it was never his fault for anthing bad that happened. The last time I tried to talk to Curt about how I was feeling, he blamed the way he treats me on bad wiring in his head. I just wanted an apology. Some feeling of remorse. Some indication that he knows the bad things in his life are his fault. But I don't think he'll ever feel this way.
Manipulating you into feeling guilty over things that have nothing to do with you. Gee...this one, goes back to before Curt. So much so that I tend to appologize before I even try to explain my side of anything. But just as a confirmation of this...last month...Curt started talking of forgiveness with me. Lecturing me on forgiveness even. He started by asking if I thought some people in our lives need to ask for my forgiveness for things they have done to hurt me. And some I would like to have ask, others I know will never ask and others I don't think need to ask. Then he brought up someone who, if she knew what I did, would be right in demanding an apology and that I should ask hartily for forgiveness. Needless to say, in the situation he was describing, this person will never know that I've been a cause for her pain. The only reason Curt had to bring this up again was to make me feel guilty again. He knows I've been to confession regarding this, he knows it is a closed subject. But regardless, he still brings it up anytime he can.
I've been working on this off and on for a month now.....and I know I have made some decisions. It's been a rough month. Not one I want to repeat anytime soon. I know I am not the only person who has ever made this decision. I know how I'm feeling is not new. But to me....even the thought of not being married to the same person forever....feels wrong. Yet as I look at the things that have happened lately...I know that within the next few months, I'll go back to being a Miss or Ms. instead of a Mrs.
If you are reading this, and I haven't talked to you in person or by email yet about it...I'm sorry. I meant to get this out in a slightly more personal way first. But I think I need to move on from this post and write some others. Maybe some with happier themes.
-
They always put their needs before yours. Gee...let me see...4 no 5 affairs, more time spent waiting for him to pick me up due to his activities being more important than my time than I care to think about, his swords/art/guitars needing to be up on the walls where people could see them regardless of what others thought, while my things went up if we had room. Feels like it's not so important, but 14 years of this every day, even now, when he wants me to do things for him, even when I am so busy I don't have time to write in this or do what I want...
You "walk on eggshells" in an effort not to upset them. Yeah...kind of self explainatory. And no, it was not Curt's temper I feared. He could ususally manage that. Although hearing him say under his breath "Dad said it was never ok to hit a woman", did give me pause sometimes. Mostly though, it was his sulks. He would go into a funk anytime he didn't get his way. And life would just be miserable around him. Still can be.
They never take responsibility for hurting others; again, a bit... obvious? But even in small things, Curt would never accept responsibility. He would be in charge of paying bills, buy a toy instead, hurting us....and never apologize even if i found out. He would rationalize it away, but never truly be sorry. It was hard to keep forgiving when the mistake got made over and over and over. :(
They attempt to destroy any outside support you receive by belittling the people/ service/practice in an attempt to retain exclusive control over your emotions. Too many years of having few if any friends. And when I did have friends, it was always because they were married to or dating Curt's friends. Any other friends...there was never enough time for. I don't think I even want to go into my family here. The times he made me feel bad for wanting to spend time with them, for making him spend time with them. It's been a hard thing. My family is hard enough to deal with without any outside intervention.
They blame everyone and everything else for unfortunate events in their lives. They perceive themselves as marytrs or victims and constantly expect preferential treatment. Yeah...this would be the last few years of my life. But even before...it was never Curt's fault when he was laid off/fired from a job, it was never his fault for anthing bad that happened. The last time I tried to talk to Curt about how I was feeling, he blamed the way he treats me on bad wiring in his head. I just wanted an apology. Some feeling of remorse. Some indication that he knows the bad things in his life are his fault. But I don't think he'll ever feel this way.
Manipulating you into feeling guilty over things that have nothing to do with you. Gee...this one, goes back to before Curt. So much so that I tend to appologize before I even try to explain my side of anything. But just as a confirmation of this...last month...Curt started talking of forgiveness with me. Lecturing me on forgiveness even. He started by asking if I thought some people in our lives need to ask for my forgiveness for things they have done to hurt me. And some I would like to have ask, others I know will never ask and others I don't think need to ask. Then he brought up someone who, if she knew what I did, would be right in demanding an apology and that I should ask hartily for forgiveness. Needless to say, in the situation he was describing, this person will never know that I've been a cause for her pain. The only reason Curt had to bring this up again was to make me feel guilty again. He knows I've been to confession regarding this, he knows it is a closed subject. But regardless, he still brings it up anytime he can.
I've been working on this off and on for a month now.....and I know I have made some decisions. It's been a rough month. Not one I want to repeat anytime soon. I know I am not the only person who has ever made this decision. I know how I'm feeling is not new. But to me....even the thought of not being married to the same person forever....feels wrong. Yet as I look at the things that have happened lately...I know that within the next few months, I'll go back to being a Miss or Ms. instead of a Mrs.
If you are reading this, and I haven't talked to you in person or by email yet about it...I'm sorry. I meant to get this out in a slightly more personal way first. But I think I need to move on from this post and write some others. Maybe some with happier themes.
-
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
