What is an LMO? It's a Labour Market Opinion. And here in Canada you need a positive one to get a job as a foreign citizen. But you can't apply for your own....a company wanting to hire you has to apply. And the RRRC (my new employer in Canada) did just that about 5 weeks ago. And got back a positive response yesterday. :)
So this morning I head out to Immigration with all the paperwork I've completed so far and with any luck...get my work visa. So I can start work soon. YEAH!!!!!!! I'm soooo excited. I really want to get this long period of feeling like I only partly belong over and start feeling like I really do belong here (which is what a work visa can give me---the ability to get a SIN (social insurance number--kind of like SSN in the US), and having the SIN means I can get a driver's licence, a bank account and all those fun things you do when you move, but that I can't do yet. :(
But the Positive LMO was the last major hurdle. :) Now it's just little ones. :) I just can't stop smiling. :)
Friday, April 3, 2009
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
My new church
Yep, now that I have some time to write again...I think this may become a more regular thing. :) And once again....my faith seems to be something I'm going to be talking about regularly.
So anyway....while I was still in the US, a fellow choir member had suggested if I ever had the ability (IE either not working or working a job whose hours allowed it) I should go to weekday Mass. So I have. At a church I found here in Canada the last time I visited. And I must admit...I think I've found my church home. :)
The priest here is actually an immigrant too. But he's from much, much further away. He's from Ghana. He has a very different more evangelical style to him. He actively encourages the parish to sing more, become more involved and really think about what conversion means. Yep, I feel at home. :)
So this week, I've been going to weekday Mass. Which is VERY different from weekend Mass. As Fr. JB says..."On weekends, we're Catholic, on weekdays, we're Pentecostal" OK, not really. But instead of a prepared homily, Fr. JB just comes down and asks us what we got from the readings. And we kind of just throw out what is there in our hearts and he follows up with that, giving encouragement and additional verses to look up later. And during the prayers of the faithful.....we can actually just say out our own intentions. So it's really cool. And it's been a nice way to meet a few people from the church. Even if they are old enough to be my grandparents. ;)
Today was the celebration of the feast of the Annunciation. So I guess...it must be 9 months till Christmas. :) It was odd to be singing a song about Christ's birth....when we are so close to celebrating His death and Resurrection. But Fr. JB noted that without the Yes Lord, Here I am, I'm your willing servent of Mary at the Annunciation, there would be no Christmas, no Good Friday, No Easter. At which point he asked....how have you said Yes to God? And if you don't know what he is asking of you...how do you find out? Mary didn't know when she said yes, what she was agreeing to....and neither do we. But God reveals all in His time. And that even little yeses...to singing in choir, teaching CCD or serving on a commitee are still yes answers to God's call. Which is what He calls us to do, just say YES.
Yep, I found my new church home. :)
Oh and I found out today what the JB in Fr. name stands for...it's Jean Baptiste (John the Baptizer).
So anyway....while I was still in the US, a fellow choir member had suggested if I ever had the ability (IE either not working or working a job whose hours allowed it) I should go to weekday Mass. So I have. At a church I found here in Canada the last time I visited. And I must admit...I think I've found my church home. :)
The priest here is actually an immigrant too. But he's from much, much further away. He's from Ghana. He has a very different more evangelical style to him. He actively encourages the parish to sing more, become more involved and really think about what conversion means. Yep, I feel at home. :)
So this week, I've been going to weekday Mass. Which is VERY different from weekend Mass. As Fr. JB says..."On weekends, we're Catholic, on weekdays, we're Pentecostal" OK, not really. But instead of a prepared homily, Fr. JB just comes down and asks us what we got from the readings. And we kind of just throw out what is there in our hearts and he follows up with that, giving encouragement and additional verses to look up later. And during the prayers of the faithful.....we can actually just say out our own intentions. So it's really cool. And it's been a nice way to meet a few people from the church. Even if they are old enough to be my grandparents. ;)
Today was the celebration of the feast of the Annunciation. So I guess...it must be 9 months till Christmas. :) It was odd to be singing a song about Christ's birth....when we are so close to celebrating His death and Resurrection. But Fr. JB noted that without the Yes Lord, Here I am, I'm your willing servent of Mary at the Annunciation, there would be no Christmas, no Good Friday, No Easter. At which point he asked....how have you said Yes to God? And if you don't know what he is asking of you...how do you find out? Mary didn't know when she said yes, what she was agreeing to....and neither do we. But God reveals all in His time. And that even little yeses...to singing in choir, teaching CCD or serving on a commitee are still yes answers to God's call. Which is what He calls us to do, just say YES.
Yep, I found my new church home. :)
Oh and I found out today what the JB in Fr. name stands for...it's Jean Baptiste (John the Baptizer).
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Updates on my life (take 4)
So I've been trying to update this blog for almost 3 months now....and failing miserably. This is the 4th attempt (hence the take 4!) The other 3 titles I had were "maybe a revision of my description is in order, an update on my past few months, and Pat. Since all of these and more kind of apply...here goes.
My description still states that these are the musings of a woman who is somewhat single, somewhat depressed and somewhat confused. But really...these are not good descriptions at all. I'm not single. I'm in the process of being divorced. And I will be single for as long or as short a time as I decide after that. More on that in a few paragraphs. :)
My depression is officially over. :) A few months ago I spoke with my doctor about going off the meds as my emotions had stablized and I was starting to worry about the long term effects of the drug. I've heard some bad things about going off the drug I was on last, not the least of which is....it's almost impossible to do. :( So I told my Dr. I wanted to try. And he agreed. So late last fall, into winter I slowly went off the meds. :) First skipping three doses a week, then 5, then 7 (I took 14 doses total each week--two per day). Yey...down to one pill a day! Then cutting the pills in 1/2 for a while, then skipping a couple days each week, then finally only taking the 1/2 tablet twice a week, then...none. Wow. My energy level went through the roof! It was amazing to me. And other things changed too. I started to feel again. Which has been both wonderful and somewhat scary. Between the depression and the drugs....I haven't felt this strongly about anything in....well almost 7 years now. It is amazing to me that I lived so long in such a truly horrid state of mind. I feel like I should be just hitting 30 years old because the last 7 years don't feel real.
The update on the past few months....well, lots of things have been happening. I am currently sitting in a new apartment, in a new city, in a different country, waiting for my work visa to be approved so I can start a new job. Yes, really. I'm in Canada. I've learned that Moose Jaw Saskatchewan is not just a punch line to an ad campaign for Intek Cleaning, but is a real city, near where I now live. And it all happened so fast that I'm still kind of amazed by it. But I am sooooo happy. I feel giddy even. I feel a bit like Maria in Sound of Music (the musical, not the real life Maria Von Trapp) The quote "When God closes a door, He always opens a window" so fits my life the last few months.
Which brings me to the 3rd post attempt...Pat. A few posts back, I mentioned a new friend Pat. And I need to mentioned him again, and well, catch the few readers of this blog up on my life. Pat came into my life slowly starting about 9 months ago. He came at a time when I was at a low point and really was supportive. He has been a Methodist minister, an EMT and a security officer for an airport. He loves to help people. Over the past 6-9 months, as I've been making decisions about my relationship with Curt, I've also been assessing my relationship with Pat.
After 3 months of being a friend, talking on the phone and thru internet, we finally met. And after 2 days of being with him....I almost left him cold. And then realized something very important. This wasn't someone who would give an inch if he felt strongly about something. But would walk thru hell itself for those he cares about. And I felt humbled to even be considered maybe worth caring about.
Even as I felt my life falling a bit apart with my decision to leave Curt, Pat was there to support. He never pushed, never gave opinions. Just listened, asked questions when he didn't understand, and asked for what I thought about the things I was saying. And thru it all....I found myself falling in love. I don't think I fall in love easily. And if I am very, very honest with myself....I think this maybe the deepest love I've ever had for another person. Far deeper 6 months in, than I have ever been with Curt....even 18 years after meeting Curt. It's so very strange. I find myself at a loss for words. The entire idea that I could love someone so much that I wouldn't doubt his love for me regardless of what was happening or what was said or not said, done or not done, well...I know I have a hard time with trusting people. And yet....I trust Pat. I realize it seems fast and odd and all kinds of things. But know that I am happy, secure and loved. :)
Now...if the Canadian Government will just let me have a work visa. :) Life would be great.
My description still states that these are the musings of a woman who is somewhat single, somewhat depressed and somewhat confused. But really...these are not good descriptions at all. I'm not single. I'm in the process of being divorced. And I will be single for as long or as short a time as I decide after that. More on that in a few paragraphs. :)
My depression is officially over. :) A few months ago I spoke with my doctor about going off the meds as my emotions had stablized and I was starting to worry about the long term effects of the drug. I've heard some bad things about going off the drug I was on last, not the least of which is....it's almost impossible to do. :( So I told my Dr. I wanted to try. And he agreed. So late last fall, into winter I slowly went off the meds. :) First skipping three doses a week, then 5, then 7 (I took 14 doses total each week--two per day). Yey...down to one pill a day! Then cutting the pills in 1/2 for a while, then skipping a couple days each week, then finally only taking the 1/2 tablet twice a week, then...none. Wow. My energy level went through the roof! It was amazing to me. And other things changed too. I started to feel again. Which has been both wonderful and somewhat scary. Between the depression and the drugs....I haven't felt this strongly about anything in....well almost 7 years now. It is amazing to me that I lived so long in such a truly horrid state of mind. I feel like I should be just hitting 30 years old because the last 7 years don't feel real.
The update on the past few months....well, lots of things have been happening. I am currently sitting in a new apartment, in a new city, in a different country, waiting for my work visa to be approved so I can start a new job. Yes, really. I'm in Canada. I've learned that Moose Jaw Saskatchewan is not just a punch line to an ad campaign for Intek Cleaning, but is a real city, near where I now live. And it all happened so fast that I'm still kind of amazed by it. But I am sooooo happy. I feel giddy even. I feel a bit like Maria in Sound of Music (the musical, not the real life Maria Von Trapp) The quote "When God closes a door, He always opens a window" so fits my life the last few months.
Which brings me to the 3rd post attempt...Pat. A few posts back, I mentioned a new friend Pat. And I need to mentioned him again, and well, catch the few readers of this blog up on my life. Pat came into my life slowly starting about 9 months ago. He came at a time when I was at a low point and really was supportive. He has been a Methodist minister, an EMT and a security officer for an airport. He loves to help people. Over the past 6-9 months, as I've been making decisions about my relationship with Curt, I've also been assessing my relationship with Pat.
After 3 months of being a friend, talking on the phone and thru internet, we finally met. And after 2 days of being with him....I almost left him cold. And then realized something very important. This wasn't someone who would give an inch if he felt strongly about something. But would walk thru hell itself for those he cares about. And I felt humbled to even be considered maybe worth caring about.
Even as I felt my life falling a bit apart with my decision to leave Curt, Pat was there to support. He never pushed, never gave opinions. Just listened, asked questions when he didn't understand, and asked for what I thought about the things I was saying. And thru it all....I found myself falling in love. I don't think I fall in love easily. And if I am very, very honest with myself....I think this maybe the deepest love I've ever had for another person. Far deeper 6 months in, than I have ever been with Curt....even 18 years after meeting Curt. It's so very strange. I find myself at a loss for words. The entire idea that I could love someone so much that I wouldn't doubt his love for me regardless of what was happening or what was said or not said, done or not done, well...I know I have a hard time with trusting people. And yet....I trust Pat. I realize it seems fast and odd and all kinds of things. But know that I am happy, secure and loved. :)
Now...if the Canadian Government will just let me have a work visa. :) Life would be great.
Monday, December 22, 2008
Merry Christmas And Happy New Year!
Hello all!
I am alive and well. And finally starting to feel much, much better. :) I am smiling more than I have in years, and truly feel that this will be a Merry Christmas for me at last! It's been about 4 years or so since I have felt that way, so I'm really feeling good about it.
I went to church with Mom and Dad this past weekend and overall enjoyed the service. The pastor was preaching on the Christmas story and did a nice job of comparing the Magi and the shepherds to us today. How some are seeking and some are just going about their daily lives. Some are wealthy and influential and some are poor and not respected.
I found it a bit ironic that in two thousand years....somethings never change. The wealthy and influential...can still take time off to go on trips, while the poor and downtrodden must work all through the holiday season. :)
I am looking forward to visiting with some friends this Christmas, going to Midnight Mass (the first I've attended without being a part of it!) and just relaxing some. Guess this year that makes me one of the wealthy and influential who can take time off! I hope that soon, taking time out to relax will be replaced by just being more relaxed, the way I was many years ago. And I am starting to believe....
It will be a Happy New Year!
I am alive and well. And finally starting to feel much, much better. :) I am smiling more than I have in years, and truly feel that this will be a Merry Christmas for me at last! It's been about 4 years or so since I have felt that way, so I'm really feeling good about it.
I went to church with Mom and Dad this past weekend and overall enjoyed the service. The pastor was preaching on the Christmas story and did a nice job of comparing the Magi and the shepherds to us today. How some are seeking and some are just going about their daily lives. Some are wealthy and influential and some are poor and not respected.
I found it a bit ironic that in two thousand years....somethings never change. The wealthy and influential...can still take time off to go on trips, while the poor and downtrodden must work all through the holiday season. :)
I am looking forward to visiting with some friends this Christmas, going to Midnight Mass (the first I've attended without being a part of it!) and just relaxing some. Guess this year that makes me one of the wealthy and influential who can take time off! I hope that soon, taking time out to relax will be replaced by just being more relaxed, the way I was many years ago. And I am starting to believe....
It will be a Happy New Year!
Saturday, November 22, 2008
what went wrong with curt and i
It has been suggested that I write this out. :( I'm not sure if I want to, but it will probably be good for me. I think I'll use the list from the last post to kind of talk my way through this post as a way of organizing my thoughts.
They always put their needs before yours. Gee...let me see...4 no 5 affairs, more time spent waiting for him to pick me up due to his activities being more important than my time than I care to think about, his swords/art/guitars needing to be up on the walls where people could see them regardless of what others thought, while my things went up if we had room. Feels like it's not so important, but 14 years of this every day, even now, when he wants me to do things for him, even when I am so busy I don't have time to write in this or do what I want...
You "walk on eggshells" in an effort not to upset them. Yeah...kind of self explainatory. And no, it was not Curt's temper I feared. He could ususally manage that. Although hearing him say under his breath "Dad said it was never ok to hit a woman", did give me pause sometimes. Mostly though, it was his sulks. He would go into a funk anytime he didn't get his way. And life would just be miserable around him. Still can be.
They never take responsibility for hurting others; again, a bit... obvious? But even in small things, Curt would never accept responsibility. He would be in charge of paying bills, buy a toy instead, hurting us....and never apologize even if i found out. He would rationalize it away, but never truly be sorry. It was hard to keep forgiving when the mistake got made over and over and over. :(
They attempt to destroy any outside support you receive by belittling the people/ service/practice in an attempt to retain exclusive control over your emotions. Too many years of having few if any friends. And when I did have friends, it was always because they were married to or dating Curt's friends. Any other friends...there was never enough time for. I don't think I even want to go into my family here. The times he made me feel bad for wanting to spend time with them, for making him spend time with them. It's been a hard thing. My family is hard enough to deal with without any outside intervention.
They blame everyone and everything else for unfortunate events in their lives. They perceive themselves as marytrs or victims and constantly expect preferential treatment. Yeah...this would be the last few years of my life. But even before...it was never Curt's fault when he was laid off/fired from a job, it was never his fault for anthing bad that happened. The last time I tried to talk to Curt about how I was feeling, he blamed the way he treats me on bad wiring in his head. I just wanted an apology. Some feeling of remorse. Some indication that he knows the bad things in his life are his fault. But I don't think he'll ever feel this way.
Manipulating you into feeling guilty over things that have nothing to do with you. Gee...this one, goes back to before Curt. So much so that I tend to appologize before I even try to explain my side of anything. But just as a confirmation of this...last month...Curt started talking of forgiveness with me. Lecturing me on forgiveness even. He started by asking if I thought some people in our lives need to ask for my forgiveness for things they have done to hurt me. And some I would like to have ask, others I know will never ask and others I don't think need to ask. Then he brought up someone who, if she knew what I did, would be right in demanding an apology and that I should ask hartily for forgiveness. Needless to say, in the situation he was describing, this person will never know that I've been a cause for her pain. The only reason Curt had to bring this up again was to make me feel guilty again. He knows I've been to confession regarding this, he knows it is a closed subject. But regardless, he still brings it up anytime he can.
I've been working on this off and on for a month now.....and I know I have made some decisions. It's been a rough month. Not one I want to repeat anytime soon. I know I am not the only person who has ever made this decision. I know how I'm feeling is not new. But to me....even the thought of not being married to the same person forever....feels wrong. Yet as I look at the things that have happened lately...I know that within the next few months, I'll go back to being a Miss or Ms. instead of a Mrs.
If you are reading this, and I haven't talked to you in person or by email yet about it...I'm sorry. I meant to get this out in a slightly more personal way first. But I think I need to move on from this post and write some others. Maybe some with happier themes.
-
They always put their needs before yours. Gee...let me see...4 no 5 affairs, more time spent waiting for him to pick me up due to his activities being more important than my time than I care to think about, his swords/art/guitars needing to be up on the walls where people could see them regardless of what others thought, while my things went up if we had room. Feels like it's not so important, but 14 years of this every day, even now, when he wants me to do things for him, even when I am so busy I don't have time to write in this or do what I want...
You "walk on eggshells" in an effort not to upset them. Yeah...kind of self explainatory. And no, it was not Curt's temper I feared. He could ususally manage that. Although hearing him say under his breath "Dad said it was never ok to hit a woman", did give me pause sometimes. Mostly though, it was his sulks. He would go into a funk anytime he didn't get his way. And life would just be miserable around him. Still can be.
They never take responsibility for hurting others; again, a bit... obvious? But even in small things, Curt would never accept responsibility. He would be in charge of paying bills, buy a toy instead, hurting us....and never apologize even if i found out. He would rationalize it away, but never truly be sorry. It was hard to keep forgiving when the mistake got made over and over and over. :(
They attempt to destroy any outside support you receive by belittling the people/ service/practice in an attempt to retain exclusive control over your emotions. Too many years of having few if any friends. And when I did have friends, it was always because they were married to or dating Curt's friends. Any other friends...there was never enough time for. I don't think I even want to go into my family here. The times he made me feel bad for wanting to spend time with them, for making him spend time with them. It's been a hard thing. My family is hard enough to deal with without any outside intervention.
They blame everyone and everything else for unfortunate events in their lives. They perceive themselves as marytrs or victims and constantly expect preferential treatment. Yeah...this would be the last few years of my life. But even before...it was never Curt's fault when he was laid off/fired from a job, it was never his fault for anthing bad that happened. The last time I tried to talk to Curt about how I was feeling, he blamed the way he treats me on bad wiring in his head. I just wanted an apology. Some feeling of remorse. Some indication that he knows the bad things in his life are his fault. But I don't think he'll ever feel this way.
Manipulating you into feeling guilty over things that have nothing to do with you. Gee...this one, goes back to before Curt. So much so that I tend to appologize before I even try to explain my side of anything. But just as a confirmation of this...last month...Curt started talking of forgiveness with me. Lecturing me on forgiveness even. He started by asking if I thought some people in our lives need to ask for my forgiveness for things they have done to hurt me. And some I would like to have ask, others I know will never ask and others I don't think need to ask. Then he brought up someone who, if she knew what I did, would be right in demanding an apology and that I should ask hartily for forgiveness. Needless to say, in the situation he was describing, this person will never know that I've been a cause for her pain. The only reason Curt had to bring this up again was to make me feel guilty again. He knows I've been to confession regarding this, he knows it is a closed subject. But regardless, he still brings it up anytime he can.
I've been working on this off and on for a month now.....and I know I have made some decisions. It's been a rough month. Not one I want to repeat anytime soon. I know I am not the only person who has ever made this decision. I know how I'm feeling is not new. But to me....even the thought of not being married to the same person forever....feels wrong. Yet as I look at the things that have happened lately...I know that within the next few months, I'll go back to being a Miss or Ms. instead of a Mrs.
If you are reading this, and I haven't talked to you in person or by email yet about it...I'm sorry. I meant to get this out in a slightly more personal way first. But I think I need to move on from this post and write some others. Maybe some with happier themes.
-
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Where to start?.....Hmmmm....
Where to even start this...since it's been three months. :P
But I guess sitting here (here being back at M&D's for the weekend dog sitting) I've been doing quite a bit of thinking. And realized I really needed to write some thoughts down.
So I guess I'll start with some updates. End of July through mid August saw me packing like a mad woman to move to my own place. It's a small one bedroom apt that I'm sharing with the middle dog of my pack and my cat. :) It's OK, but not exactly nice. It's in a bit of a rough area and the neighbors are...well...the phrase white trash comes to mind. But it was important to be out on my own again. I needed the independence and the time to be on my own.
The end of August and early September saw me starting school, meeting new people, and trying very hard to figure out what I truly want out of life. :( I really thought by my age, I'd already know. In some ways I feel like I've taken a 18 year hiatus. Which sounds really odd. But then again, I guess maybe I have.
One of my school books has an essay in it about a woman who was in a marriage for 10 years with a man who she describes as "emotionally and financially abusive." It was really hard reading for me. She could easily have been describing the past 14 years of my life with Curt. A new friend, Pat, also expressed some concerns when I was sharing about Curt. :( And due to some really odd problems with the phone system...I haven't been talking to Curt much this past month or so. And actually, it feels good. Which makes me more sure that things that others are seeing...maybe truer than what I've been seeing. Ouch.
So I've been trying this past month to figure out what that all meant for me for and Curt. And I think I've come to some conclusions. But they'll have to wait for now. I'm not really ready to share yet.
But I will share this...I've been doing a lot of research on emotional and financial abuse. And everything I read leads me back to the thought....this describes my relationship with Curt.
One web site had this list of things as a "check list to describe emotional/verbal abuse."
- You understand their feelings, but they never attempt to understand yours;
But I'm learning....
But I guess sitting here (here being back at M&D's for the weekend dog sitting) I've been doing quite a bit of thinking. And realized I really needed to write some thoughts down.
So I guess I'll start with some updates. End of July through mid August saw me packing like a mad woman to move to my own place. It's a small one bedroom apt that I'm sharing with the middle dog of my pack and my cat. :) It's OK, but not exactly nice. It's in a bit of a rough area and the neighbors are...well...the phrase white trash comes to mind. But it was important to be out on my own again. I needed the independence and the time to be on my own.
The end of August and early September saw me starting school, meeting new people, and trying very hard to figure out what I truly want out of life. :( I really thought by my age, I'd already know. In some ways I feel like I've taken a 18 year hiatus. Which sounds really odd. But then again, I guess maybe I have.
One of my school books has an essay in it about a woman who was in a marriage for 10 years with a man who she describes as "emotionally and financially abusive." It was really hard reading for me. She could easily have been describing the past 14 years of my life with Curt. A new friend, Pat, also expressed some concerns when I was sharing about Curt. :( And due to some really odd problems with the phone system...I haven't been talking to Curt much this past month or so. And actually, it feels good. Which makes me more sure that things that others are seeing...maybe truer than what I've been seeing. Ouch.
So I've been trying this past month to figure out what that all meant for me for and Curt. And I think I've come to some conclusions. But they'll have to wait for now. I'm not really ready to share yet.
But I will share this...I've been doing a lot of research on emotional and financial abuse. And everything I read leads me back to the thought....this describes my relationship with Curt.
One web site had this list of things as a "check list to describe emotional/verbal abuse."
- You understand their feelings, but they never attempt to understand yours;
- They dismiss your difficulties or issues as unimportant or an overreaction;
- They do not listen to you;
- They always put their needs before yours;
- They expect you to perform tasks that you find unpleasant or humiliating;
- You "walk on eggshells" in an effort not to upset them;
- They ignore logic and prefer amateur theatrics in order to remain the center of attention;
- Instead manipulate you into feeling guilty for things that have nothing to do with you;
- They attempt to destroy any outside support you receive by belittling the people/ service/practice in an attempt to retain exclusive control over your emotions;
- They never take responsibility for hurting others;
- They blame everyone and everything else for any unfortunate events in their lives;
- They perceive themselves as martyrs or victims and constantly expect preferential treatment.
12 statements. And I see Curt in 10 of them. Even now, even where he is, as powerless as he may seem...When I talk to him, visit him, spend time with him...these 10 things are soooo true. And I'm starting to not want to deal with them anymore. I am really becoming tired of these 10 things.
I tried, about a month ago, to bring up my feelings about just one of the ten. The manipulation one. Curt sat and listened....sort of. And when I was finished, he dismissed my feelings as not real. Asked how could I feel this way. Demanded I tell him, in detail, one time he was manipulative. When I insisted this was what I felt like, and described an incident in detail, he said he needed time to think about this. As he couldn't remember ever really trying to manipulate me. :( Then the next time we spoke, he decided that the manipulation must be a result of a mental illness in him. It wasn't his fault, he has faulty wiring. So now he is trying to get a psychiatrist to agree with him. It's all so over the top. He has never apologized for anything he has done to hurt me. And oddly, some of our closest friends, would never know any of the things he has done. They know nothing of the affairs, nothing of the sacrifices I made so he could have his many toys, nothing of the ways he would keep myfamily and friends at a distance. Nothing was overt, nothing was physical. And as it built up over the years....well, the frog in the boiling water comes to mind. You know that story...
But I'm learning....
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
College updates
So I went to my orientation last Thursday night. Wow...how odd was that feeling? To be sitting in a college auditorium again after so many years (ummmm....yeah.....10? noooo...15? yeah...if we count Sr. year...I just make that!)
So exactly 18 years after starting....I'm returning. It was an odd feeling. Some of the people sitting around me looked like me....some were still youngsters. (yes, I know, I'm not that old...but sitting near a couple of 18-20 year olds, one of whom asked if I was there with my son or daughter, made me *feel* old!). Then it dawned on me...if I had had a child when I first met Curt....I *COULD* be taking the child to college....which means that a couple of my high school classmates who had kids when they were in high school....may be the parents in that room.
But on the positive side...got to meet a very cool professor. He helped found the college in 1971-1972. Yep...the college is the same age as me. :) He teaches a capstone class that i will probably have to take. And was able to get my ID. I feel so official now! And one of my favorite parts...although not on the schedule...was going through the art gallery in the library. they were having a display of mosiacs. Beautiful...and thought provoking.... (yep...another blog is on it's way....)
So exactly 18 years after starting....I'm returning. It was an odd feeling. Some of the people sitting around me looked like me....some were still youngsters. (yes, I know, I'm not that old...but sitting near a couple of 18-20 year olds, one of whom asked if I was there with my son or daughter, made me *feel* old!). Then it dawned on me...if I had had a child when I first met Curt....I *COULD* be taking the child to college....which means that a couple of my high school classmates who had kids when they were in high school....may be the parents in that room.
But on the positive side...got to meet a very cool professor. He helped found the college in 1971-1972. Yep...the college is the same age as me. :) He teaches a capstone class that i will probably have to take. And was able to get my ID. I feel so official now! And one of my favorite parts...although not on the schedule...was going through the art gallery in the library. they were having a display of mosiacs. Beautiful...and thought provoking.... (yep...another blog is on it's way....)
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