Generations

So a friend of mine has a blog post about generations. He gave the "traditional" generations list (one I, as a member of generation X, disagree with...there are way too many differences between someone born in 61 and someone born in 81!)

Lost Generation (1883–1900)
Greatest Generation (1901–1924)
Silent Generation (1925–1942)
Baby Boomer (1943–1960)
Generation X (1961–1981)
Millennial Generation (1982–2001)
Generation Z (2001–)

He went on to describe a new listing by another author for an iGeneration or internet generation. This generation is now 18-30, and can't remember a world without the internet.

Bob disagrees saying that the internet didn't take off until '98. As an ex-wife of an internet junkie who was hooked in '91, I'd tend to disagree. Granted, the internet looked much different then. It wasn't as slick looking, didn't have pictures, and tended to be more of a college project than something everyone was doing, but still it was there.

My sister would be at the early end of this generation. (she was born in '78 and is 31) and honestly, I know we've had the talk about this...she can't remember a time without internet. To her the beginings were college sponsored "chat rooms" and lists of articles written by professors, but it was there from the time she was aware of it. She can remember teachers in jr high (ok, ok...middle school--she was the first class who left elementary school in 5th grade in our hometown) discussing if access to this new thing should be allowed in her school. (I was in high school at the time, and we had access, but it was so limited at the time, I couldn't see the big deal.)

So yes, I'd agree with the iGen label. But honestly...I think we'll start seeing smaller and smaller generations, as the tech keeps increasing and the world keeps shrinking.

For example, the traditional model labels GenX as those born '61 to '81. I'm firmly in the middle of that ('71)! But the differences in attitute, thought process, between me and those ten years older or ten years younger!

Women 10 years older ('61 birth year) that I have met, interacted with, been mentored by....have a much more work focused attitude. They were the generation of women that went to work. Yes, they had families, but most went back to work after. They are very often career driven. Those 10 years younger (mostly raised by career women!) have a much more family oriented focus. Many are staying home with their kids, or looking for in home, personal care providers among family and friends as opposed to the Kindercare generation they belong to.

Those born in the middle of this 20 year span kind of fall in the middle. I think that is part of the problem historians are finding with everything after the baby boomers. Life started changing soooo fast. Generations (I think) now last closer to 7-10 years instead of 17-25. I often feel I have more in common with those 10-15 years older than myself than those 5 years younger. And those 10-15 years younger....I don't often get at all.

And I've had talks about this with those in the 5 year younger than me age range...They feel it far worse than I do. They don't really feel much in common with those 5-10 years older or 5-10 years younger.

About 15 years ago now, I stumbled on a list of things that that years high school gradution class didn't remember. As my sister was just finishing her first year of college, I asked her about some of the things on the list. It amazed me that I could remember these things (some very, very big things!) that she had no personal feelings about. Our birth years are only 7 years apart after all. (6 1/2 if you're counting months, as I was a fall baby and she was born in winter!)

They included:

The USSR (both as a nation and as the "Evil Empire" of the Regan era)
Ronald Reagan (as a current, sitting President)
Having only 4-6 channals on T.V. ( I grew up in Chicago without cable--ABC, NBC, CBS, WGN, PBS and sometime in my youth...Fox arrived)
Your family owning at least one black and white TV.
Fear of nuclear war
Mr. Hooper on Seasame Street
Mr. Green Jeans on Captain Kangaroo
Not owning or using a computer regularly

So yeah...I think she is part of the iGen....and I...am not.

Border Agents

So I was in the US again very briefly this afternoon.

I picked up some of my furniture in Minot, after finding someone able to bring it that far. And so I had yet another round of interesting experiences with the border services agents on both sides of the border.

I must admit....with the exception of getting my work permit (and I think that was just a fluke--one bad apple) Canadian Border Services (both Immigration and Customs) have been much better and easier than their US counterparts.

Today was a great example. When I arrived at the US border, I gave the agent my passport (still an American one, I should mention), explained my reason for crossing, was asked all the standard questions about alcohol, tobacco, firearms/weapons, fruits, vegetables, meat products, visits to farms....etc. And then was asked for my Canadian documents stating I could bring goods into Canada, my rental paperwork on the U-Haul, my driver's licence and insurance. I was then told to park the van and come inside.

I was escorted into the office, made to give up my purse, had my purse searched, had to empty out my pockets, had the empty (except for a coffee cup, tee shirt, hoodie and wrist braces) van searched and had to explain why I was getting my things, why I wanted to live in Canada (all the while having this kind of snotty look being given to me like "You are a traitor for not wanting to stay in the US). Finally I was allowed to go sit in a waiting room. It was only for about 15 minutes, but I'd already been there about 15-20 minutes, so it took about 30-40 minutes to cross the border. :(

When returning to Canada about 3 hrs later (the drive from the border to Minot is about 1 hr each way and it took about 40 minutes to transfer stuff, use the bathroom and grab a quick bite to eat) I was first stopped by....US BORDER PATROL!!!!!

Thank God one of the agents that stopped me had been one of the agents that I spoke with before, or I may have had to go inside again. They still looked thru the van, asked more questions about my stay in the US and who I had met. Then I went to the Canadian Border Patrol.

Wow! What a difference. Greeted in two languages (Hello/ Bonjour), Gave my passport and customs documents. Asked which items I was bringing this time. He highlighted the items, stamped the form, looked ever so briefly at my work permit, told me to have a good day, and drive safely. Handed my paperwork back and I was on my way in about 3 minutes flat. I never left the van, the van was not searched. (or if it was...it was done so quickly and quietly I never noticed. There was a dog walking past the vehicles in the back, so maybe the handler took a quick peek while he was walking past.)

So to the US Border patrol....I know you are only doing your job. But really, how scary do I look? I mean...I was wearing an Eeyore sweatshirt, jeans and had my hair in a pony tail. I have a US passport and was born in the US. You have to go back to my great grandparents generation to have any foreign born citizens...and they're from Hungary. Before that...well, lets just say at least one branch goes back to early colonial times. (and oddly enough....one branch of that family went to Canada during the Revolution) The other parts...probably go back quite a ways, but no one's ever bothered to look. I grew up Baptist and am now Catholic. I'm so pale, I burn in about 10 minutes flat on a sunny day. The chances of me being a problem for either country? About a million to one. And they must know that...I've crossed the border enough I'm sure I'm in their system. :( But all three times I've made this crossing since getting my work permit...I've gotten that same kind of attitude and hassle.

And all three times...Canada has welcomed me home with open arms, trust, speed and efficiency.

Of course...it maybe a difference in how Canada feels about the world and the world feels about Canada. I was listening to a CBC (Canadian Broadcasting Company) radio show called LOL (Laugh Out Loud) on my way home. And the comedian made the comment...that when foreigners say mean things to Canadians...Canadians tend to respond with "Oh, yeah, well, OK eh?" and go on. Which got me thinking...about culture, climate, and how people interact. More on this another time. :)

I'm happy I'm sick

Yeah, not something I'm normally happy about, but today....

I've been kind of dreading today. Dreading how today would make me feel. You see...today would have been (had I not chosen to end it) the 15th anniversary of my marriage. And I worried...would the day make me feel sad? Angry? What? Would I be able to handle those feelings?

But instead, today...I've been sick. And as I worked the overnight shift last night and am working it again today....I mercifully slept my way thru the day. :)

And once I'm at work...I'll be immersed in that and won't think about the day at all.

So today at least....I'm happy that I'm sick. :)

Some good things from my trip

So I promised I'd write a bit about some of the good things from my trip to MN. And there were several.

I went to a Twins game, one of the last 20 in the dome. The Twins won against the Rangers. It was a nice relaxing evening with mom and dad. We had a bit of time before the game and had driven around Minneapolis a bit so I got to see some places that brought back some memories. Most were good ones. As a general rule Curt and I didn't go into Minneapolis together much, just for kind of special occasions. So the memories were mostly good. We did drive past Curt's attorney's office (a place I spent a bit of time as well) and that was hard. But other than that....it was nice.

And since we finished early on Saturday....We went to the State Fair. Mom and dad had never been, so I got to be the one to introduce them to the great MN get-together. :) It was really nice. We pretty much ate our way thru the fair, sampling everything from our favorite pronto pups to grilled shrimp to creme puffs and frozen apple cider. I don't think we had a bad thing that day. And....as a first....I walked away from the fair without having either spent a lot of money on stuff for Curt or feeling guilty about buying something for myself. :) It was nice. Really nice.

It also dawned on me...for the year 1/2 that I stayed with Curt after his incarceration, I felt like I couldn't do fun things. Like concerts or the fair. Because it wasn't fair that Curt couldn't go with me. But it dawned on me this trip. Curt deserves to miss those things for a while. He deserves to be where he is. His actions put him there. Not mine, not a failing of me that caused his actions. It was all him. And I think that maybe the best of the revelations I had this trip.

All I Ever Needed to Know I Learned From Dr. Suess

"Be who you are and say what you feel....because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." -- Dr. Seuss



A blog I read had this quote in it a few days ago. And I started thinking of all the wisdom in the Dr. Seuss books.



Green Eggs and Ham teaches us to try new things.



And to think that I saw it on Mulberry Street teaches us not to lie.



Yertle the Turtle teaches us to be happy with ourselves, no matter our station in life. And that the "Little People" do make a difference.



The Grinch and the Whos teach us the really meaning of the holiday season.



The Lorax teaches us the importance of taking care of our environment.



It's all there....love, happiness, respect, getting along with others, the importance of education and our beliefs, how to take care of others when they are old, sick, young, or in need.



I wonder if Theodore Geisel (Dr. Seuss's real name) was trying to teach the kids he wrote for about life's lessons or if that was just a good side effect. He started writing for the baby boomers of the 50's and was still going strong when I was a kid in the 70's. I doubt many of my generation can quote the Bible, but I'm willing to bet we all know and can quote a large part of our favorite Seussian book. I'm sure most of us don't know Amazing Grace, but I am pretty sure we can all sing along to "You're a mean one...Mr. Grinch."

So here's my take on the famous "All I needed to know I learned in Kindergarten"

All I Needed to Know about Life I Learned from Dr. Seuss

All I really need to know about how to live and what to do and how to be I learned from reading Dr. Seuss.

These are the things I learned:

Everyone is important. (Yertle the Turtle)

Don't Lie (And to think that I Saw it on Mulberry Street)

Clean up after yourself (The Lorax)

Be Yourself (The Sneeches)

It's Ok to be Silly (There's a Wocket in my Pocket, Wacky Wednesday, et al)

Colors, Numbers, Letters, Learning is important (One fish, two fish/The ABC Book/Oh the Thinks you can Think)

Holidays are about people and love, not toys and food (How the Grinch stole Christmas)

Appreciate your parents (Hop on Pop)

Imagination is fun! (pick your favorite--it's in them all!)

The future is yours to make of it what you will. (Oh the places you'll go!)

Never give up. (The 500 Hats of Bartholomew Cubbins)

There are so many lessons Dr. Seuss gave us. It's all there. The wisdom of the ages, boiled down and distilled into the fun and silly world that is Dr. Seuss. None of it is so hard that a 6 year old can't get it, but the lessons are such that adults still struggle to follow them when they're 60. The world would be a better place if we all were a little more like Seuss's heroes.

Ok...so I'm not Robert Fulghum. But I know there are several of these lessons I'm still working on 30 years after I first learned them from Dr. Seuss. And if anyone asks...I may even share which ones. ;)

My trip back to MN

So I went back to spend a few days with my parents, go thru boxes and boxes of stuff, and make a million decisions about what to take, what to throw away and what to give to my now official ex-husband.



Yes, it is official. We are divorced. And it feels a bit....anti-climatic. After all was said and done, he signed the papers without the judge forcing it. But it took quite some time for him to do so, and cost me quite a bit extra in attorney fees.



My mom asked how I felt about it. Was I sad? Angry? Happy?



Yes. Yes. Yes. And anxious, frustrated, excited and relieved. I guess maybe relieved is the overriding feeling. It's over. I no longer need to wonder about how he will react to anything and everything I do. I never again need to fear his moods, wonder if this will be the time he will do to me what I watched him do to our dogs.



And that is just it. Because he was never physically abusive, no one (including, maybe even especially, my mom) gets how much I lived in fear and anxiety. I saw the look in his eye when one of our dogs would make a mess in the house or bark in the night or whatever. I saw the way he lost control and would strike them. And I always wondered if he would do that to me.



I can remember him saying once when we were dating that if someone he really loved were to leave him without "just cause" he would feel justified to do whatever it took to get them back. When I asked him what he meant he tried to make a joke of it saying "If you love someone let them go...if they come back they are yours. If not...hunt them down and shoot them!" And then wouldn't really talk about it. And as the years went on....I wondered if that wasn't a little closer to the truth than I cared to think about.



Curt has been transfered to another facility, this one offering treatment, so if he gets into the program soon, he could be finished in as little as 18 months. As he is considered a minimum security level inmate, he could qualify for work release by then too. It kind of scares me that he could be out in the community so soon. I don't think he fully gets just how messed up he still is. :(



And strangely, Mom almost blamed me for Curt's failings this trip. It really hurt. She just said it in passing. We were discussing how most of the things we owned belonged to Curt, how most of the most expensive things we owned were his and she said "Well YOU were there. YOU could have stopped him. Aliesha (my sister) stops her husband Brandon from buying toys. YOU could have too."

And for a minute I thought...Yes, it was my fault. Curt is/was broken and I should have tried harder to fix him. Then reality set in and I replied "Mom, if I had been able to control Curt, don't you think I would have? And can you really see me controlling him ever, over anything? I really wouldn't be me if I had that kind of power over another person would I?"

And mom had no answer for that. So we worked in blessed silence for a bit. Then mom asked if I had ever tried to tell Curt "no" about anything. "Yes" I replied. "I told him no frequently....but he'd find a way aroud my no to make it a yes. And I'd be the bad guy and not be spoken to or be ignored or have lies told about me until he got his way. "

I don't think she fully believes me. She mentioned her parents and how her dad treated her mom. And I realized...for the first time....I'd married my grandfather. The temper, the mood swings, the making me feel crazy because he'd be so nice to other people. But mom didn't see that.

There were fun, good things from last week....and I promise a post with some of the fun stuff next. :)