Updates on my life (take 4)

So I've been trying to update this blog for almost 3 months now....and failing miserably. This is the 4th attempt (hence the take 4!) The other 3 titles I had were "maybe a revision of my description is in order, an update on my past few months, and Pat. Since all of these and more kind of apply...here goes.



My description still states that these are the musings of a woman who is somewhat single, somewhat depressed and somewhat confused. But really...these are not good descriptions at all. I'm not single. I'm in the process of being divorced. And I will be single for as long or as short a time as I decide after that. More on that in a few paragraphs. :)



My depression is officially over. :) A few months ago I spoke with my doctor about going off the meds as my emotions had stablized and I was starting to worry about the long term effects of the drug. I've heard some bad things about going off the drug I was on last, not the least of which is....it's almost impossible to do. :( So I told my Dr. I wanted to try. And he agreed. So late last fall, into winter I slowly went off the meds. :) First skipping three doses a week, then 5, then 7 (I took 14 doses total each week--two per day). Yey...down to one pill a day! Then cutting the pills in 1/2 for a while, then skipping a couple days each week, then finally only taking the 1/2 tablet twice a week, then...none. Wow. My energy level went through the roof! It was amazing to me. And other things changed too. I started to feel again. Which has been both wonderful and somewhat scary. Between the depression and the drugs....I haven't felt this strongly about anything in....well almost 7 years now. It is amazing to me that I lived so long in such a truly horrid state of mind. I feel like I should be just hitting 30 years old because the last 7 years don't feel real.



The update on the past few months....well, lots of things have been happening. I am currently sitting in a new apartment, in a new city, in a different country, waiting for my work visa to be approved so I can start a new job. Yes, really. I'm in Canada. I've learned that Moose Jaw Saskatchewan is not just a punch line to an ad campaign for Intek Cleaning, but is a real city, near where I now live. And it all happened so fast that I'm still kind of amazed by it. But I am sooooo happy. I feel giddy even. I feel a bit like Maria in Sound of Music (the musical, not the real life Maria Von Trapp) The quote "When God closes a door, He always opens a window" so fits my life the last few months.



Which brings me to the 3rd post attempt...Pat. A few posts back, I mentioned a new friend Pat. And I need to mentioned him again, and well, catch the few readers of this blog up on my life. Pat came into my life slowly starting about 9 months ago. He came at a time when I was at a low point and really was supportive. He has been a Methodist minister, an EMT and a security officer for an airport. He loves to help people. Over the past 6-9 months, as I've been making decisions about my relationship with Curt, I've also been assessing my relationship with Pat.

After 3 months of being a friend, talking on the phone and thru internet, we finally met. And after 2 days of being with him....I almost left him cold. And then realized something very important. This wasn't someone who would give an inch if he felt strongly about something. But would walk thru hell itself for those he cares about. And I felt humbled to even be considered maybe worth caring about.

Even as I felt my life falling a bit apart with my decision to leave Curt, Pat was there to support. He never pushed, never gave opinions. Just listened, asked questions when he didn't understand, and asked for what I thought about the things I was saying. And thru it all....I found myself falling in love. I don't think I fall in love easily. And if I am very, very honest with myself....I think this maybe the deepest love I've ever had for another person. Far deeper 6 months in, than I have ever been with Curt....even 18 years after meeting Curt. It's so very strange. I find myself at a loss for words. The entire idea that I could love someone so much that I wouldn't doubt his love for me regardless of what was happening or what was said or not said, done or not done, well...I know I have a hard time with trusting people. And yet....I trust Pat. I realize it seems fast and odd and all kinds of things. But know that I am happy, secure and loved. :)

Now...if the Canadian Government will just let me have a work visa. :) Life would be great.