Going to the chapel....

And I'm going to get married. Well...maybe not in a chapel. Actually its the big park in our home town. And in less than 3 months! But David asked...and I said yes. It's a little scary going into this again. Knowing how my last marriage ended. But...David is not Curt. And I am not the same naive, innocent 22 year old that got married the first time. We are sooooooo very happy.

Can't sleep....

I somehow doubt anyone reads this anymore....but I'm going to post here just to think out loud. If anyone has read this...or actually knows me in real life....then you know it's been a while since I posted. And lots of life has happened. I've resolved things with my parents. We talk several times a week now. And I get together with them several times a year. The relationship is stronger than it's been in a long, long time. I've been in a relationship with David (not his real name) for 2 1/2 years. He is part of the reason my relationship with my parents has improved. He is the reason I'm still in Canada. He knows everything about me. Things I've never told another living soul. Things I never thought I could say. He knows when I'm thinking about something and tries to figure out what I'm thinking. (and scarily....often gets it right!) I've sent away the last of the requirements for permant residency. I could have it by the end of the month. Yeah...its been a busy time.

Hmmmm...should I even keep this????

So...It's been...five months since I wrote anything here. But I'm thinking again...I should start writing. So much has been happening...that maybe I should be keeping a journal of it somewhere. So...where to start???

Well I guess I'll start with what is probably the most important part. I met someone in late February. Hmmmm....call him David. David is in his early 40s. He's been married and divorced. He has a teenage son who lives quite far away. He drives a truck. Was not planning on giving my heart away again...ever. It's been hurt so often in the past few years. Even kind of dated a guy between Pat and David that I must admit...I kept my heart from. But David, well...won me over.

Oddly...he reminds me of my dad. I know...I know. All girls marry their fathers. But I didn't. I married the anthisis of my father. And eventually realized it and divorced. But now...wow.

He does things for me I don't even realize I need. Like cleaning out my car. Or buying a small book for me to write lists in so I'm not carrying a million pieces of paper in my purse. Or noticing the EXACT purse I carrying and when finding it on sale elsewhere...calls to ask if I'm going to want another just like it when this one is finally too old to carry.

Random thoughts....

I saw a bilboard advertising a job that I need to get a picture of to post here for a friend who is currently out of work...it's only a part time position...but how many places are actively searching for a winemaker? But there is a store here that is looking for just that.

We are having another town's underwater hockey team come and visit and teach us a bit. It's not until the end of the month, but I'm looking forward to it. I think it will be both fun and interesting.

I'm back at the first house I was at last April. It's a small house and that makes night shifts really hard to stay awake for as there just isn't as much to do. Thankfully I'm only there a month, and my night shifts are one week at the first (already done!) and one at the end of the month...and that's a short week! YAY!!!!

The weather is looking...possible for a trip to Minot on Friday. I need to take my car down to get some recall work done on it so I can actually get it licensed and insured here in Canada. I'll call the dealership tomorrow and try to get it all set up.

Until then...laundry, work, band, UWH....busy, busy, busy!

Where has the time gone????

Wow...what a busy past few weeks! Holidays (complete with 3 get togethers of friends!) and now...back to the busy-ness of band, underwater hockey, work, getting the immigration stuff more in order, and....finding a new roommate. :(

Pat has decided to move on. He's moving quite some distance. To another part of Canada. It's been an odd feeling. We've settled into a kind of routine life together here, and to have that be going away...is odd. But at the same time, I think it's probably for the best overall. The new housemate moves in this weekend while Pat moves out. It's another guy, who I think I'll call...Paul. We'll see how things go, but at least the bills can get paid and he likes my dog. :)

On a far, far happier note....UWH! Wow! Each time I get in the pool I feel better about what I'm doing. Two weeks ago we had two new players, both of whom will be back! And one is female! :) We also had local radio and TV crews in and they will be doing short stories about us! Good publicity all around. We're pretty pumped up about it all. Last week...we had 7 people in the pool...played an actual scrimage game! Lots of fun!!!!



I bought a mask and snorkel a couple of weeks ago. :) I feel more and more a part of this sport all the time.

Work continues to go well...I'm heading back to the first house I was in come February. Which starts me back on a rotation thru all the houses (new order and different numbers of months at each house, but still...I'll have been to them all now.)

Went to talk to immigration (the local provincial folks) today. As soon as I get all the paperwork finished and in they think it will take about 2-3 months to process. :) So I maybe a permenant resident by summer.

The weather here...has been snowy! And now it's getting cold. I have to get a cord for my block heater. I got one installed last week so as the weather gets colder, hopefully the car will be happier about starting!

Me...I'm happier than I've been in years. :)

Events of the last few weeks

So I started the month working overnights. And at a house where residents go to bed by 9pm...leaving me alone in the house from 9pm till 7am. Nightly cleaning takes maybe 2 hours...if you go really slowly. Which leaves 8 hrs to sit, watch tv, drink coffee, and stay awake. I was really bored. And starting that again next week. UGH.

Last week and this week...I'm working days. Including Christmas day and Boxing Day (not that that seems like a holiday to me...but it is a paid holiday here in Canada.)

I had a root canal done about 2 weeks ago now. The need for it came on suddenly, just like the other times. :( But thankfully I found a good dentist here, thanks to a co-workers reccomendation. And my dental insurance covered 80%. :) Even better. I did have to pay up front. But got my check back fairly quickly. (would have been quicker if my workplace had told the insurance company I'd moved!) Oh well. I'll have to remind them. Again. :(

My involvement in underwater hockey has been fun. We had more new people out last week, so it was quite fun. Hopefully by this time next month...we'll have enough people for a scrimage at the end of the sessions!

Less Ugh...More Ahhh

So the Dr visit on Monday was...interesting and helpful. Interesting in that I got to see again the differences in the Canadian vs. US medical systems firsthand. Helpful in that I got a possible resolution to my problem with the assurance of other options of this one doesn't work. :) The interesting part is that routine Gynacology (pap smears, exams, etc) are done by GPs/Family practice/primary care doctors. So with that in mind...my next full physical...will be a full physical. Everything including gynacology. (Although pap tests are suggested at 2 years at my age/lack of family history instead of every year--the comment Dr. K made when I said it had been 14 months and I needed a new test was "American health care...they just want the money!" Which seems to be the common perception here in Canada. But since nothing has really changed for me...other than a fairly normal (for me) increase in pain levels during my period, no test until my next physical. The cramps have always kind of come and gone, gotten better or worse. And now..it's becoming worse. So as I discussed this with Dr. K., he came up with several possibilities to ending my pain. Some seemed better, some worse. We're starting with a stronger NSAID than the advil I've been using. If this isn't better (or the side effects are too much) we'll try something else.





Until then, I have several things (OK...maybe more than several...like several dozen!) to do.



I have a band concert on Sunday. It's our Christmas concert and I think Pat and a couple of other friends will be coming out to watch. :)



UWH (underwater hockey) is really starting to gear up. I'm the primary organizer (which is funny as until this week...I've never been in snorkeling gear for more than 15 or 20 minutes at a time!) And this week...I was in the pool, in full gear and doing drills(!) for more than a hour. Wow...tiring, but satisfying too. Rob (the coach here in my hometown) and James (the organizer in the next town over) were there to give me my first lesson. Two experienced players to one newbie hardly seemed fair, but that's just how it went. Hopefully...the next time we try this it will go better. And have more people!

Better get to my stuff...still have some cleaning to do, as well as decorating a tree, a house and baking...Wow...I've got a busy day ahead!

UGH!!!!!!

So a few days ago, I came home from work, tired, feeling a bit under the weather and planning on a nice evening at home, catching up on some email and relaxing, playing a bit on the computer. But the computer had other ideas. :( First, the screen went, well, wonkey. The bottom 1/2 looked like a channel is off pattern from the TV, the top 1/2 looked like TV snow. :(

I turned the computer off, waited a few minutes and turned it back on. Or tried to. It wouldn't start. My computer is (was) a Compaq laptop. It was only 16 months old. I bought it at Best Buy. Took it there. Yeah...$90 +tax to look at it ( with 10% taxes...about $100). Best guess...needs a new motherboard. Cost--$450 for the part and $150 to install (that's on top of the $100 diagnostic charge). Total---$700. Promise this won't happen again in a few months? None. Ugh.

So I looked around, shopped around....and still spent $700! But I have a brand new shiny laptop. With a larger screen. More RAM and ROM. And a 3 year, it's all covered warrenty (including battery, power cord, everything!). So this shouldn't happen to me again anytime soon. Oddly enough...it's from Staples. Much better deal and much better service agreement. Cheaper service agreement too.

Service contract good worldwide, anyplace I can find a Staples store. They'll even keep track of my service agreement for me so if I lose the receipt or it fades...I'm still covered. :)

A few other UGHS! while I'm on a roll....

I have to take my car back to the states sometime in the next few months. It's had 2 recalls on it recently. I don't need to take it all the way back to MN, I can just go down to ND. But still.....UGH!

And UGH! My first negative (but only slightly) with the Canadian Health Care system. Before going to a specialist (of any kind) you have to be referred by a GP or Family practice physician. OK, I get that. I even kind of agree. Keeps the more neurotic among us from wasting time of those who really need the specialists help. But oddly enough...OB/GYNs are considered specialists. So since my cramps have been bugging me lately....I go in to my GP on Monday. Maybe he'll just deal with it. I've been told most GP's in Canada will do pap tests and such (mine had asked how long it had been when I had my physical (about 9 months at that time)...and since it hadn't been a year he just said, "So you don't need one right now" I didn't even consider that he was planning on doing it! Hmmm... interesting. Being able to deal with all your basic health needs at one office. So is this what it's like to be a guy? ;)

On the up side of my life recently....

I'm starting to play an odd game. Underwater Hockey. Yes, it really IS a sport. It's also called Octopush. It's played in quite a few countries. As a matter of fact...the world championships in 2012 are being held in Minnesota! So I've been swimming quite a bit. And losing some weight (or at least some inches...I had to buy a belt to keep several pairs of pants from falling to my hips!)

I got a letter from the IRS. (wait...shouldn't that be in the UGH catagory?) ;) Actually...it wasn't from the IRS...just forwarded by them. It was from a company trying to find me because a previous employer needs to contact me about an old retirement fund. :) Last I knew...I had about $1000 in it. (Doubt I have that much now...I'm pretty sure most of that was invested in the market!) But regardless....at least my funds will be catching up with me.

Fixed it!

I'm becomming quite the handyperson....both at home and work!

At work I've been fixing screen doors, putting doors back on hinges, filling/sanding/painting holes, repairing air vents...all the round the house stuff most people do on a weekly basis that haven't been getting done at the house.

At home...this morning I fixed a toilet. I replaced all the insides with all new insides and installed a new handle as well. Took about an hour (25 minutes or so was just getting the old stuff out...needed the locking wrench to get enough torque. :( And the directions say to just hand tighten...definately not just hand tightened or very, very old--but I'm betting on not just hand tightened!) And now...for the first time since we've moved in...that toilet is working like a toilet should! I'm so proud.

And it's nice to be appreciated when I do such things. Pat was happy it got fixed, the landlord is happy we take care of such things without calling expensive professional help. And work thinks I'm the best thing to come along since sliced bread. :)

Rememberance Day

Wednesday here in Canada was Rememberance Day. Yes, I know the US does have Vetran's Day that day too, but there is more...emphisis on the day here in Canada. I think there was this year in the US, due to what happened at Ft. Hood, but this is an every year occurance in Canada. Businesses, schools, some stores close for the day. Almost every community has a service of some kind. And everywhere, things stop at 11am, for two minutes of silence.

I was with my community band on Rememberance Day. We went to a smaller town to play for their ceremony. We started the program as people came in with marches (felt a bit odd for me--no Sousa here!) and old WWI and WWII favorite pop tunes. During the ceremony we played the National Anthem (O, Canada) and the Royal Anthem (God Save the Queen--Which I tend to think of as My Country tis of thee). I'm glad when I'm playing for these...I'm not sure what proper etiqette is...do I stand? Do I sing? Do I stay quiet? I've heard O, Canada enough now that I know the words. I could sing along. It's really a nice melody and the word are pretty good too. (I'll write them out at the bottom of this post for those who want to see them)

We also played several hymns. That felt a bit different. There is no overwelming sense of....religious fervor here in Canada. But a very great strong silent faith. I mentioned on the bus back after the ceremony how different it felt to have so much..religion in a patriotic holiday at a public ceremony (They are called services up here, with good reason as pastors/priests helped organize and led the time!) There were scripture readings, prayers, hymns. Can you imagine (if you are reading this from the states) your local town doing this?

Later that evening I went to a Rememberance Day concert given by a friend's choir. (not a church choir, but a secular, men's vocal group) Again, quite a bit of religious music, poetry and a talk by a local minister. It's really felt a bit odd to me to be part of that. Oddly...my friend noticed I didn't sing with the Anthems (both were sung that night) I don't know the words to "God Save the Queen" and didn't think the words I knew to the tune would be appreciated so I stayed quiet. He seemed to think it's ok if I sing "O, Canada" if i know the words. I really would like to know before the last football game on Nov. 22. If it's ok, I'll sing along then.

The words to O, Canada

O, Canada. Our home and native land. True patriot love in all thy sons command. With glowing hearts we see thee rise, the true north strong and free. From far and wide, O Canada, we stand on guard for thee. God keep our land, glorious and free. O Canada we stand on guard for thee. O Canada we stand on guard for thee.

Differences...or why "I" have a an accent!

So I mentioned that I've been once again noticing differences. I think I'll start with pronounciation, move on into spelling and finish with some new vocab. :)

Again--in the upper midwest US it sounds like a-gen (with a hard g as in garbage)
--in Canada it sounds like a-gane, with a long a in the middle of it.

About--US--a bout
--Canada--a bute

Amen--US--ay men
--Canada--ah men

Against--US--a ginst
--Canada--ay gainst
almost any a is pronounced just differently enough for me to stand out.

Spelling...check vs cheque, color vs. colour, honor vs. honour tomato vs tomatoe (oh wait that's in both countries!--lol)

New words--well, this one isn't new, but i hear it a lot more here--queue.
--touque (a stocking cap)


Oh...and a new sport (at least to me, although I've been told there is a pretty good team in MN) Underwater Hockey. :) Yep...play with a puck and a mini stick and snorkeling equipment. Talk about kind of an odd game. And I may even get a chance to try to play it.

Updates....

So it's been a month since I've written....

Not a huge amount happening in my life. :) It feel nice to say that. No crisises. No drama. No huge worries. I'm almost bored.

But just busy enough that that isn't going to happen anytime soon!

Next week my concert band is going to a neighboring town to play for their Remembrance Day ceremonies. (For the Americans reading this...that's Veteran's Day, but with much more...emphasis. Similar to Memorial Day ceremonies, but only for military) I'm seeing poppies spring up on so many coats. It's amazing to me. I mean, the VFW in the US does give away those cheap red flowers outside malls/stores when you make a donation, but these are really nice looking red poppies that are springing up everywhere I look. It's going to be an odd day for me. I know very few of the songs we're playing (Battle Hymn of the Republic, God Save the Queen (or My Country Tis of Thee), the hymns we're playing.) All the other songs...Canadian patriotic songs. I feel almost foolish when the Director says "Now I know you all know the melody line to this one...It's Maple Leaf Forever" But I have no idea what that sounds like! Oh well. We're going by bus, so that should give me a couple of hours to get to know people a bit better too. :)

We (Pat and I) had about 10 people over for Canadian Thanksgiving. Which is a Monday in October instead of a Thursday in November. It felt a bit strange to be celebrating Thanksgiving so early. I may decide to invite some people over near the end of the month for American Thanksgiving. (Some of the foods are different here too. No green beans topped with onions, no sweet potato pie...but perogies. Which are good too. ;) But I kind of missed the green beans!) So if I do that, it will probably be some of the people from work and band...and I'll be making the green beans and sweet potatoes I'm used to.


I'm off to the last house for work in December/January. Then back to the first house again come February. Hard to believe it's been 7 months since I moved up here! I have the paperwork started for permanent residency. Still have to do an interview with the provincial immigration people. Then hopefully...in 6-9 months....a permanent resident card. :)

I really need to start writing more...I'm thinking now of all these other things I should be writing down about things I've been learning in Canada. So I guess...another post should be coming soon!

Happy Birthday (edited)

to me. :)

It's been a while since I've posted. Not much has been occuring in my life lately. Today is my birthday. In a couple of short years I'll go from being in the 30s to being in my 40s. And on some days, I can really feel it!


Some of the things that have been happening in the the past few weeks....

I joined a concert band that meets once a week. It's great fun and helps me meet some people not either already friends with Pat or that I work with. It's still a bit hard, as I'm not the most outgoing person in the world, but I've met a few people and am starting to enjoy playing again.

I have been doing Aquacize. Don't laugh...it's hard! 45 minutes of movement while having your body underwater. I felt a bit like I'd gone thru the ringer after my first day. But I'm not letting that stop me. And it is getting better. Most of the people in the group are ladies in their 50s or 60s, but I think there are a couple in their 40s. I'm definately the youngest of the group. But I have found where one of the indoor pools are and I love it! It's really not too expensive either. A month's membership (good for both the pool and fitness area run by the city) is less the $50. The price goes down (10-30%) if you buy 3, 6, 9 or 12 month memberships. So I think I'll be investing in one of those. It would be nice to be back to my "normal" weight/build again. And without the depression and meds...I'm pretty sure I can do it. :)

Work is going well still. I have about 2 months left at the current house I'm at, then I'll move to the 4th and final house the company runs. After that...back to the begining I guess.

It's been a nice relaxing happy birthday for me today.

:)

PS--I have to have a little rant here...

I ran across a list of famous people born on the 9th of October and looked up who was born on the 6th. I feel a bit...cheated. Lots and lots of famous folk born the entire first 15 days of October...with one exception. October 6th. Our short list incluedes: George Westinghouse, Carole Lombard and Elisabeth Shue. Ok, Ok..there were three more on the list at http://www.famousbirthdays.com/ Amy Jo Johnson (a pink power ranger), Britt Ekland, (a Bond girl), and Le Corbusier (an architect,designer,artist) That's it! I feel a bit cheated. Look at the list for the rest of October...so many very famous names. Although the 24th is another less represented day. :)

Generations

So a friend of mine has a blog post about generations. He gave the "traditional" generations list (one I, as a member of generation X, disagree with...there are way too many differences between someone born in 61 and someone born in 81!)

Lost Generation (1883–1900)
Greatest Generation (1901–1924)
Silent Generation (1925–1942)
Baby Boomer (1943–1960)
Generation X (1961–1981)
Millennial Generation (1982–2001)
Generation Z (2001–)

He went on to describe a new listing by another author for an iGeneration or internet generation. This generation is now 18-30, and can't remember a world without the internet.

Bob disagrees saying that the internet didn't take off until '98. As an ex-wife of an internet junkie who was hooked in '91, I'd tend to disagree. Granted, the internet looked much different then. It wasn't as slick looking, didn't have pictures, and tended to be more of a college project than something everyone was doing, but still it was there.

My sister would be at the early end of this generation. (she was born in '78 and is 31) and honestly, I know we've had the talk about this...she can't remember a time without internet. To her the beginings were college sponsored "chat rooms" and lists of articles written by professors, but it was there from the time she was aware of it. She can remember teachers in jr high (ok, ok...middle school--she was the first class who left elementary school in 5th grade in our hometown) discussing if access to this new thing should be allowed in her school. (I was in high school at the time, and we had access, but it was so limited at the time, I couldn't see the big deal.)

So yes, I'd agree with the iGen label. But honestly...I think we'll start seeing smaller and smaller generations, as the tech keeps increasing and the world keeps shrinking.

For example, the traditional model labels GenX as those born '61 to '81. I'm firmly in the middle of that ('71)! But the differences in attitute, thought process, between me and those ten years older or ten years younger!

Women 10 years older ('61 birth year) that I have met, interacted with, been mentored by....have a much more work focused attitude. They were the generation of women that went to work. Yes, they had families, but most went back to work after. They are very often career driven. Those 10 years younger (mostly raised by career women!) have a much more family oriented focus. Many are staying home with their kids, or looking for in home, personal care providers among family and friends as opposed to the Kindercare generation they belong to.

Those born in the middle of this 20 year span kind of fall in the middle. I think that is part of the problem historians are finding with everything after the baby boomers. Life started changing soooo fast. Generations (I think) now last closer to 7-10 years instead of 17-25. I often feel I have more in common with those 10-15 years older than myself than those 5 years younger. And those 10-15 years younger....I don't often get at all.

And I've had talks about this with those in the 5 year younger than me age range...They feel it far worse than I do. They don't really feel much in common with those 5-10 years older or 5-10 years younger.

About 15 years ago now, I stumbled on a list of things that that years high school gradution class didn't remember. As my sister was just finishing her first year of college, I asked her about some of the things on the list. It amazed me that I could remember these things (some very, very big things!) that she had no personal feelings about. Our birth years are only 7 years apart after all. (6 1/2 if you're counting months, as I was a fall baby and she was born in winter!)

They included:

The USSR (both as a nation and as the "Evil Empire" of the Regan era)
Ronald Reagan (as a current, sitting President)
Having only 4-6 channals on T.V. ( I grew up in Chicago without cable--ABC, NBC, CBS, WGN, PBS and sometime in my youth...Fox arrived)
Your family owning at least one black and white TV.
Fear of nuclear war
Mr. Hooper on Seasame Street
Mr. Green Jeans on Captain Kangaroo
Not owning or using a computer regularly

So yeah...I think she is part of the iGen....and I...am not.

Border Agents

So I was in the US again very briefly this afternoon.

I picked up some of my furniture in Minot, after finding someone able to bring it that far. And so I had yet another round of interesting experiences with the border services agents on both sides of the border.

I must admit....with the exception of getting my work permit (and I think that was just a fluke--one bad apple) Canadian Border Services (both Immigration and Customs) have been much better and easier than their US counterparts.

Today was a great example. When I arrived at the US border, I gave the agent my passport (still an American one, I should mention), explained my reason for crossing, was asked all the standard questions about alcohol, tobacco, firearms/weapons, fruits, vegetables, meat products, visits to farms....etc. And then was asked for my Canadian documents stating I could bring goods into Canada, my rental paperwork on the U-Haul, my driver's licence and insurance. I was then told to park the van and come inside.

I was escorted into the office, made to give up my purse, had my purse searched, had to empty out my pockets, had the empty (except for a coffee cup, tee shirt, hoodie and wrist braces) van searched and had to explain why I was getting my things, why I wanted to live in Canada (all the while having this kind of snotty look being given to me like "You are a traitor for not wanting to stay in the US). Finally I was allowed to go sit in a waiting room. It was only for about 15 minutes, but I'd already been there about 15-20 minutes, so it took about 30-40 minutes to cross the border. :(

When returning to Canada about 3 hrs later (the drive from the border to Minot is about 1 hr each way and it took about 40 minutes to transfer stuff, use the bathroom and grab a quick bite to eat) I was first stopped by....US BORDER PATROL!!!!!

Thank God one of the agents that stopped me had been one of the agents that I spoke with before, or I may have had to go inside again. They still looked thru the van, asked more questions about my stay in the US and who I had met. Then I went to the Canadian Border Patrol.

Wow! What a difference. Greeted in two languages (Hello/ Bonjour), Gave my passport and customs documents. Asked which items I was bringing this time. He highlighted the items, stamped the form, looked ever so briefly at my work permit, told me to have a good day, and drive safely. Handed my paperwork back and I was on my way in about 3 minutes flat. I never left the van, the van was not searched. (or if it was...it was done so quickly and quietly I never noticed. There was a dog walking past the vehicles in the back, so maybe the handler took a quick peek while he was walking past.)

So to the US Border patrol....I know you are only doing your job. But really, how scary do I look? I mean...I was wearing an Eeyore sweatshirt, jeans and had my hair in a pony tail. I have a US passport and was born in the US. You have to go back to my great grandparents generation to have any foreign born citizens...and they're from Hungary. Before that...well, lets just say at least one branch goes back to early colonial times. (and oddly enough....one branch of that family went to Canada during the Revolution) The other parts...probably go back quite a ways, but no one's ever bothered to look. I grew up Baptist and am now Catholic. I'm so pale, I burn in about 10 minutes flat on a sunny day. The chances of me being a problem for either country? About a million to one. And they must know that...I've crossed the border enough I'm sure I'm in their system. :( But all three times I've made this crossing since getting my work permit...I've gotten that same kind of attitude and hassle.

And all three times...Canada has welcomed me home with open arms, trust, speed and efficiency.

Of course...it maybe a difference in how Canada feels about the world and the world feels about Canada. I was listening to a CBC (Canadian Broadcasting Company) radio show called LOL (Laugh Out Loud) on my way home. And the comedian made the comment...that when foreigners say mean things to Canadians...Canadians tend to respond with "Oh, yeah, well, OK eh?" and go on. Which got me thinking...about culture, climate, and how people interact. More on this another time. :)

I'm happy I'm sick

Yeah, not something I'm normally happy about, but today....

I've been kind of dreading today. Dreading how today would make me feel. You see...today would have been (had I not chosen to end it) the 15th anniversary of my marriage. And I worried...would the day make me feel sad? Angry? What? Would I be able to handle those feelings?

But instead, today...I've been sick. And as I worked the overnight shift last night and am working it again today....I mercifully slept my way thru the day. :)

And once I'm at work...I'll be immersed in that and won't think about the day at all.

So today at least....I'm happy that I'm sick. :)

Some good things from my trip

So I promised I'd write a bit about some of the good things from my trip to MN. And there were several.

I went to a Twins game, one of the last 20 in the dome. The Twins won against the Rangers. It was a nice relaxing evening with mom and dad. We had a bit of time before the game and had driven around Minneapolis a bit so I got to see some places that brought back some memories. Most were good ones. As a general rule Curt and I didn't go into Minneapolis together much, just for kind of special occasions. So the memories were mostly good. We did drive past Curt's attorney's office (a place I spent a bit of time as well) and that was hard. But other than that....it was nice.

And since we finished early on Saturday....We went to the State Fair. Mom and dad had never been, so I got to be the one to introduce them to the great MN get-together. :) It was really nice. We pretty much ate our way thru the fair, sampling everything from our favorite pronto pups to grilled shrimp to creme puffs and frozen apple cider. I don't think we had a bad thing that day. And....as a first....I walked away from the fair without having either spent a lot of money on stuff for Curt or feeling guilty about buying something for myself. :) It was nice. Really nice.

It also dawned on me...for the year 1/2 that I stayed with Curt after his incarceration, I felt like I couldn't do fun things. Like concerts or the fair. Because it wasn't fair that Curt couldn't go with me. But it dawned on me this trip. Curt deserves to miss those things for a while. He deserves to be where he is. His actions put him there. Not mine, not a failing of me that caused his actions. It was all him. And I think that maybe the best of the revelations I had this trip.

All I Ever Needed to Know I Learned From Dr. Suess

"Be who you are and say what you feel....because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." -- Dr. Seuss



A blog I read had this quote in it a few days ago. And I started thinking of all the wisdom in the Dr. Seuss books.



Green Eggs and Ham teaches us to try new things.



And to think that I saw it on Mulberry Street teaches us not to lie.



Yertle the Turtle teaches us to be happy with ourselves, no matter our station in life. And that the "Little People" do make a difference.



The Grinch and the Whos teach us the really meaning of the holiday season.



The Lorax teaches us the importance of taking care of our environment.



It's all there....love, happiness, respect, getting along with others, the importance of education and our beliefs, how to take care of others when they are old, sick, young, or in need.



I wonder if Theodore Geisel (Dr. Seuss's real name) was trying to teach the kids he wrote for about life's lessons or if that was just a good side effect. He started writing for the baby boomers of the 50's and was still going strong when I was a kid in the 70's. I doubt many of my generation can quote the Bible, but I'm willing to bet we all know and can quote a large part of our favorite Seussian book. I'm sure most of us don't know Amazing Grace, but I am pretty sure we can all sing along to "You're a mean one...Mr. Grinch."

So here's my take on the famous "All I needed to know I learned in Kindergarten"

All I Needed to Know about Life I Learned from Dr. Seuss

All I really need to know about how to live and what to do and how to be I learned from reading Dr. Seuss.

These are the things I learned:

Everyone is important. (Yertle the Turtle)

Don't Lie (And to think that I Saw it on Mulberry Street)

Clean up after yourself (The Lorax)

Be Yourself (The Sneeches)

It's Ok to be Silly (There's a Wocket in my Pocket, Wacky Wednesday, et al)

Colors, Numbers, Letters, Learning is important (One fish, two fish/The ABC Book/Oh the Thinks you can Think)

Holidays are about people and love, not toys and food (How the Grinch stole Christmas)

Appreciate your parents (Hop on Pop)

Imagination is fun! (pick your favorite--it's in them all!)

The future is yours to make of it what you will. (Oh the places you'll go!)

Never give up. (The 500 Hats of Bartholomew Cubbins)

There are so many lessons Dr. Seuss gave us. It's all there. The wisdom of the ages, boiled down and distilled into the fun and silly world that is Dr. Seuss. None of it is so hard that a 6 year old can't get it, but the lessons are such that adults still struggle to follow them when they're 60. The world would be a better place if we all were a little more like Seuss's heroes.

Ok...so I'm not Robert Fulghum. But I know there are several of these lessons I'm still working on 30 years after I first learned them from Dr. Seuss. And if anyone asks...I may even share which ones. ;)

My trip back to MN

So I went back to spend a few days with my parents, go thru boxes and boxes of stuff, and make a million decisions about what to take, what to throw away and what to give to my now official ex-husband.



Yes, it is official. We are divorced. And it feels a bit....anti-climatic. After all was said and done, he signed the papers without the judge forcing it. But it took quite some time for him to do so, and cost me quite a bit extra in attorney fees.



My mom asked how I felt about it. Was I sad? Angry? Happy?



Yes. Yes. Yes. And anxious, frustrated, excited and relieved. I guess maybe relieved is the overriding feeling. It's over. I no longer need to wonder about how he will react to anything and everything I do. I never again need to fear his moods, wonder if this will be the time he will do to me what I watched him do to our dogs.



And that is just it. Because he was never physically abusive, no one (including, maybe even especially, my mom) gets how much I lived in fear and anxiety. I saw the look in his eye when one of our dogs would make a mess in the house or bark in the night or whatever. I saw the way he lost control and would strike them. And I always wondered if he would do that to me.



I can remember him saying once when we were dating that if someone he really loved were to leave him without "just cause" he would feel justified to do whatever it took to get them back. When I asked him what he meant he tried to make a joke of it saying "If you love someone let them go...if they come back they are yours. If not...hunt them down and shoot them!" And then wouldn't really talk about it. And as the years went on....I wondered if that wasn't a little closer to the truth than I cared to think about.



Curt has been transfered to another facility, this one offering treatment, so if he gets into the program soon, he could be finished in as little as 18 months. As he is considered a minimum security level inmate, he could qualify for work release by then too. It kind of scares me that he could be out in the community so soon. I don't think he fully gets just how messed up he still is. :(



And strangely, Mom almost blamed me for Curt's failings this trip. It really hurt. She just said it in passing. We were discussing how most of the things we owned belonged to Curt, how most of the most expensive things we owned were his and she said "Well YOU were there. YOU could have stopped him. Aliesha (my sister) stops her husband Brandon from buying toys. YOU could have too."

And for a minute I thought...Yes, it was my fault. Curt is/was broken and I should have tried harder to fix him. Then reality set in and I replied "Mom, if I had been able to control Curt, don't you think I would have? And can you really see me controlling him ever, over anything? I really wouldn't be me if I had that kind of power over another person would I?"

And mom had no answer for that. So we worked in blessed silence for a bit. Then mom asked if I had ever tried to tell Curt "no" about anything. "Yes" I replied. "I told him no frequently....but he'd find a way aroud my no to make it a yes. And I'd be the bad guy and not be spoken to or be ignored or have lies told about me until he got his way. "

I don't think she fully believes me. She mentioned her parents and how her dad treated her mom. And I realized...for the first time....I'd married my grandfather. The temper, the mood swings, the making me feel crazy because he'd be so nice to other people. But mom didn't see that.

There were fun, good things from last week....and I promise a post with some of the fun stuff next. :)

Home Again...

Home again, Home again.... as the children's rhyme goes. Although I didn't go to the market or buy a fat pig or hog. ;)

But I did go to the MN State fair with my parents and pretty much ate our way thru it.

I'll update more another time, when I'm more awake and ready to reflect on the last 5 stressful days. :(